Pouring Out Your Heart

Lamentations 2: 19
"...pour our your heart like water in the presence of the Lord. Lift up your hands to him for the lives of your children..."

Our Sunday school class this past week was split- women in one class, men in the other. One of the ladies that taught the women's class talked about how she carved out quiet time every day and what a difference it made in how she handled the day to day things with her children, her attitude, and her responses.

If I am being completely honest, I have never been good at having a time every day that I devote solely to the Lord. I have started this venture lots of times, but after a week or so, I go back to my old routine/habits. The most difficult thing for me is continually getting into the Word- reading, studying, and getting refreshment from God through scripture.

Well, if Sunday's lesson was a nudge that maybe I needed to start this, yesterday was a flashing neon sign that I needed to, no HAD to start spending more time with God on a daily basis. Yesterday (specifically the afternoon) was one of those days when all routine is off even when you try your best to stick to it, you have a million things to get done, but are completely unproductive, your child is cranky, whiny, screaming, overtired, and seemingly determined to be miserable and cannot tell you what is wrong. I was tired too so that did not help and the meltdowns happened on and off throughout the afternoon which meant I got nothing done around the house including dinner. My patience was worn thin, I was irritated, overwhelmed, and too tired to think straight, so by bedtime I cannot say I was sad to tuck Parker in to his crib and say goodnight.

I felt physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. I was spent. As I reflected on the day later I realized that I was not happy with how I handled everything, specifically how emotionally sucked dry I felt. In that moment God reminded me that from Him comes refreshment in times like these. Maybe if I had spent some time with him before all that transpired, then my reactions might have been different. It still would have been frustrating, but instead of starting out already empty, I would have been filled. I would have had more to give and more resilience. More wise mind vs. emotional mind.

This reminder of how crucial time with the Lord is showed me that I cannot keep expecting to be the kind of mother, or wife, or business owner, or friend I want to be unless I take the time to get refreshment every day. I usually put it off. Instead I clean, work on our business, do laundry, look at Pintrest or Facebook, read e-mails, etc. Everything but spend time with Him. I don't think I can afford to do that any longer. I am not expecting to be perfect in this practice, but I am committing to make time daily to at least sit still, read scripture, and be with God even if I only spend a few minutes.  I want my responses, my attitudes, and my thoughts to be covered in His word, not in frustration. I decided I must begin to get serious about getting my refreshment from Him and "pour out my heart like water in the presence of the Lord". Not just for me, but also for my children and family. So, here's to day #1 of a new start...hopefully He won't start testing my patience immediately:)

Best Husband Ever!

I have to take a moment to brag on my sweet husband. He was awesome to me this weekend. I mean, he's always good to me, but he went above and beyond the last two days. On Saturday I got to sleep in and once I got up to get ready for the day, found that he had cleaned my car out and transferred the car seat to his car already in preparation for him taking Parker with him and me going to Madison for a girls day with our 9th graders from church. I got to spend most of the day with the 9th grade girls and other Huddle leaders from our group baking cupcakes and cookies and taking them to the assisted living facility. It was fun and fulfilling to do something for the ladies and men who live there. After that I got a haircut (my first since June of last year) at a decently nice place (aka they give you a de-stressing head massage while washing your hair and take a good bit of time cutting your hair and getting it right) which was a real treat. Jeremy took Parker to meet his mom and brother for lunch and played at home for the rest of the day, so I think they had a fun guys day too! After dinner last night, Jeremy cleaned up after dinner to end a wonderful day.

We went to church this morning and out to eat at our usual Sunday lunch place (Moe's Southwest Grill). Afterwards I took a 3-hour (!!!!!!!) nap totally uninterrupted and woke up to a quiet house. Jeremy had taken Parker on a walk/wagon ride so I got a chance to walk outside by myself and enjoy this beautiful weather. Once they got back, I found that Jeremy had put my new tag on my car for me- just another small thing that I would have forgotten to do myself.

On weekends like this, I am reminded of how thankful I am to be married to someone who is so selfless so much of the time. I am not the easiest person to live with lately (i.e. pregnant and mildly moody), but he is so good about doing things to make me more comfortable, less tired, etc. even though I know he gets tired too. God also reminded me that there will be times when he is tired, moody, etc. and I should show him the same measure of grace and selflessness he has shown me.

To me, that's what marriage is about- lifting the other person up when they need it most, and they do the same for you. When we are at our worst- that is when we need grace the most. Marriage is the place you get the chance to show this ongoing selflessness. As you share it with one another, the giving of yourself is something you WANT to do, not that you have to do.

This is the same as it is with Christ- the sacrifice he made for me and the grace he shows me every day should make me WANT to give of myself to whatever He is calling me to do, not do it out of obligation. I know I won't pull this off perfectly with my spouse or with God. I am sure I will choose selfishness sometimes when I get stuck in my humanity, but I hope that I can remember the grace I've been shown by both my husband and my God and that it directs my behavior and my choices towards them.

"Through selfless work, love of God grows in the heart. Then through his grace one can realize him in course of time. God can be seen."
Ramakrishna