Lamentations 2: 19
"...pour our your heart like water in the presence of the Lord. Lift up your hands to him for the lives of your children..."
Our Sunday school class this past week was split- women in one class, men in the other. One of the ladies that taught the women's class talked about how she carved out quiet time every day and what a difference it made in how she handled the day to day things with her children, her attitude, and her responses.
If I am being completely honest, I have never been good at having a time every day that I devote solely to the Lord. I have started this venture lots of times, but after a week or so, I go back to my old routine/habits. The most difficult thing for me is continually getting into the Word- reading, studying, and getting refreshment from God through scripture.
Well, if Sunday's lesson was a nudge that maybe I needed to start this, yesterday was a flashing neon sign that I needed to, no HAD to start spending more time with God on a daily basis. Yesterday (specifically the afternoon) was one of those days when all routine is off even when you try your best to stick to it, you have a million things to get done, but are completely unproductive, your child is cranky, whiny, screaming, overtired, and seemingly determined to be miserable and cannot tell you what is wrong. I was tired too so that did not help and the meltdowns happened on and off throughout the afternoon which meant I got nothing done around the house including dinner. My patience was worn thin, I was irritated, overwhelmed, and too tired to think straight, so by bedtime I cannot say I was sad to tuck Parker in to his crib and say goodnight.
I felt physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. I was spent. As I reflected on the day later I realized that I was not happy with how I handled everything, specifically how emotionally sucked dry I felt. In that moment God reminded me that from Him comes refreshment in times like these. Maybe if I had spent some time with him before all that transpired, then my reactions might have been different. It still would have been frustrating, but instead of starting out already empty, I would have been filled. I would have had more to give and more resilience. More wise mind vs. emotional mind.
This reminder of how crucial time with the Lord is showed me that I cannot keep expecting to be the kind of mother, or wife, or business owner, or friend I want to be unless I take the time to get refreshment every day. I usually put it off. Instead I clean, work on our business, do laundry, look at Pintrest or Facebook, read e-mails, etc. Everything but spend time with Him. I don't think I can afford to do that any longer. I am not expecting to be perfect in this practice, but I am committing to make time daily to at least sit still, read scripture, and be with God even if I only spend a few minutes. I want my responses, my attitudes, and my thoughts to be covered in His word, not in frustration. I decided I must begin to get serious about getting my refreshment from Him and "pour out my heart like water in the presence of the Lord". Not just for me, but also for my children and family. So, here's to day #1 of a new start...hopefully He won't start testing my patience immediately:)
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